Wednesday, 11 July 2012


Everyone hates being forced into something. It leaves you feeling angry, hurt, humiliated, out of control, empty, the lot. Now I know I'm sounding very dramatic, but it really was a big deal. I wasn't ready to tell people I was pregnant. It doesn't sound like a lot now, but ask any teenager you know and they'll tell you: letting it out in high school that you're pregnant is tough.

I had only told two of my bestest friends that I was pregnant. They knew it wasn't something you could blab to your other best friend (come on, everyone's done it). No, it wasn't them who let the news out. It was a girl who didn't even bother to come and ask me herself.

She must have seen my, um, enhanced belly and decided that she needed some new gossip, and didn't want to ask in case it wasn't true (well, it was, but that's not the point). So she told another girl, who told two other girls, who eventually decided it was time to stop this stupid gossip chain and ask me. What could I say? It was obvious enough that I was if you were looking. I could of course lie, but what was the point when everyone would know in a few weeks any way? So I told them, yes, I was, and could they keep it quiet just a liiiiiittle bit longer?

But I wasn't stupid. Who could really keep a secret like that anyway? It's like putting a kid (or some teenagers I know...) outside McDonalds with a tenner and telling them not to spend. The news was out. So I decided that I would have to let my other friends know before they heard it on the gossip train.

That night I lay in bed, contemplating what tomorrow would bring. Shame, disgrace, name-calling, so-called friends walking out on me, a false reputation... I wanted to sink into my bed and never come out again.

Hot tears threatened to break out as I walked in through the school gates. I wasn't ready for this, I didn't want to tell people! When the tears finally came through a crowd of people rushed towards me, which was exactly what I didn't want. In amongst them was my best friend, Jessica. She was one of the only people who, apart from family, knew about the baby.
She hugged me and said, 'Come on, come with me.' When other people tried to follow she told them to just leave us, and everyone left except her other best friend. 'Can you please just go?' she repeated, 'We'll be there in a minute!' Her friend backed off, looking worried.

'What's wrong?'
"I don't want to tell people!"
'You don't have to!'
"Yeah I do, cause blah and blah are nice yeah but they're kind of big-mouths and they're gonna tell people!"
'Oh.' She thought for a moment. 'What are you scared of?'
"What people will say. Losing friends. Being called a slut."
'But none of that matters Heather,' she told me, 'Because if people walk out on you then they never should have been there in the first place, and who cares what they say, so long as you know it's not true? We'll always still be here.'
"Okay," I said in a small and probably quite pathetic voice.
'So how are we going to do this?' she wondered.
"I guess we just go down there and tell them..."
'Okay!' and she marched down our little part of the playground and shouted, 'Heather's pregnant!'

The news was well and truly out.

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